The art of insecurity

Insecurity is my dark raincloud that likes to follow me around. It comes in many forms, some more recognizable than others, some almost like familiar friends. It is not only my problem, but everyone deals with insecurity at some point in their lives. I believe, as many professionals do, that most insecurity stems from rejection. Rejection, whether actual, imagined, or implied can be crushing. It can be life altering. Some people deal with rejection like water rolling off of a windshield. It just sheets right off, with generally no lasting effects, other than maybe a little residue. Other people handle rejection like a rain barrel, they gather it all and hold it all in until it literally starts to overflow, eventually rotting though its own container.

I would venture to guess that most people are a mix of the two. Holding on to some things and letting go of others. I would land in that category. I am strong in some areas and weak in others. I have a tendency of thinking that a situation is about me, when in all reality, it has nothing to do with me. Sometimes I gather up all of my little hurts, and use them as ammo in my own self deprecation. I worry, I fret, I stew, I even brood. However, lately I have been asking myself why. Why? Why do I do this to myself? What I have gained in all of it? Has worrying over a situation ever changed the outcome? Have I ever made someone do what I think they should by fretting over it? Does my anxiety change God's will? I can say honestly that the answer is no! It even says it in the Bible, more than once. Matthew 6:27 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life ? Matthew 6:34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. I could go on and on.

So now I guess the real question is, what am I going to do about it? I will tell you... Worry! Just kidding, I am going to pray, read, and better myself (or at least try to). This goes along with my last post. I need to be the woman I want my daughter to become. I was born of a worrier, who was born of a worrier. I don't want my children to bear that same curse. I need to be the best person that I can be, and realize that the world isn't perfect, and I can't expect it to be. There will always be tragedy, disappointment, hurt, fear, sadness, and so on. Rejection will come in many forms over the course of my life. I need to decide how I am going to deal with it. The only person that I can count on to always have my best interests at heart is the One who made me. He is the one who will provide the answers I seek, and give me the peace of mind that I need. They may not always be the ones I want, but He knows the ending.

I can't say that I will never worry again, or be sad or feel lonely, but I do have so many promises to stand upon! I love John 16:33 "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." I am so glad that He isn't done with me yet!